I am a “wise fool”

October 17, 2010

2010. Soon, 2011 – the year I will hate the most, but remember most accurately. It is an accepted FACT that junior year of high school is the most excruciating era of any high school students. Looking at KIS juniors, I don’t feel any thing particular; I don’t have the juniorphobia, yet.

If I do get juniorphobia, I want to recall this moment because it’s so nice being a sophomore.

SIDE NOTE: The “sopho” part of the word originates from the same Greek root used in the word philosophy, which means “love of knowledge.” The latter part, “more” comes from the same Greek root that gives us moron. Hence, sophomore means “wise fool,” who THINKS they know a lot, but really don’t.

I got over with the “WOW high school” pressure, and I don’t need to worry about junior pressure, yet. Nonetheless, I’m not as happy as I was in Freshmen year. In Freshmen year, everything was new, and I loved the fact that it was new. But nothing is as exciting as it was. I used to be proud of what I did, but not anymore. I don’t have much pride in what I do these days.

I think I forgot how I was.

I was a student full of initiatives. I had dreamt about things that practically will never come true. I had imagined scenes of glamor and music and spotlights. Even if I participate in activities that I  was in last year, I’m not satisfied with what I do. What I did last year became the norm, and hence if I don’t try to go further, I reproach myself, bitterly.

I want to be a leader, but I just don’t know the way. That’s why I am a “wise fool.” I know what it’s like to be a high school student, and I know what I got out of freshmen year that I don’t know what to do now. It’s already end of first quarter, and I haven’t done much things. I haven’t done anything that met my “satisfactory line.” In the second quarter, I should really work hard because  it DOES NOT feel nice to be “dormant.”

Yes.
I’ve found the right word: dormant.
I should really try to get over with this dormancy.

Dear Carol Choo,
Hello, this is Carol! I hope you’re having a wonderful time as a sophormore. It really is not fun to be on the verge of entering junior year, but it is definitely exciting to embark on a new journey. You know how I always had dote on adventures. I’m writing this letter to you because I want you to know that I feel “rich.” Don’t get me wrong. I’m not materialistic (although I might be in some areas like dresses, but in general no). I feel rich as a character and that had been your goal since 9th grade, right? I’ve found what I really enjoy during winter break! I can’t tell you what it is right now because then, you won’t try various things that I did. Just keep on looking for it, and one day it will come to you. I’ve also been reading a great deal over the last few months. Some books made me cry, but others were humorous in EXTREME. I want to tell you that these days I don’t sleep much, but I feel ALIVE. I try to put everything in every single things I do and I try to lead the crowd instead of following. It was unfortunate how I couldn’t be in student council this year, but I got over with it because I have my own club now. I might as well be the president of my own club than stay as a representative in SC. It’s all question of perspective. Try to look on the bright side, if you’re down. And if you are nervous that you won’t be able to finish assignments, think of me. I had to pull all-nighter FOUR times this week. It’s lovely working hard. I’ll always be there for you. I’ll wait until you become myself. Good luck in everything you do!

Love you love you love you,
Carol Choo from June 10th, 2011
P.S. I remember my November trip to India for Habitat For Humanity had been my BEST trip ever. You’ll love it.

Sometimes, talking to yourself really works. You get to picture a positive future!
I should try to love myself more because Carol Choo from 2011 clearly adores me. Until I feel more ALIVE, I should work hard. I don’t know what to say more to me: run Carol, RUN!

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